(This blog post today is not my usual tongue-in-cheek post; it’s heartfelt and I hope it helps whomever needs to read this today. Please DM me or Email me, or comment if it does.)
Have you ever been hurt by someone you loved and trusted? Have you ever been lied to? Have you ever had someone tell you something and then you find out later that they were completely lying? Isn’t that a terrible, gut-wrenching feeling? It’s heartbreaking. In fact, it is SOULbreaking, to be honest.
What’s worse, you suddenly don’t trust yourself. You wonder about your own judgment, and whether you could have seen signs? Did you miss something? Are you dumb? (No, you’re not dumb; you just trusted someone who wasn’t worthy of your trust. That says NOTHING about you and EVERYTHING about the other person.)
Being lied to and betrayed feels terrible. It feels like the ground has been yanked out from under your feet.
How do you get over this feeling and learn to trust others – and yourself – again?
Here are some steps to take:
1. PAUSE. Take some time to just be. Get under a big fluffy comforter, spend time with kids, watch a movie, eat good food, allow yourself to cry and be sad, angry. Allow yourself to feel all the feels that are there. Let yourself be unproductive at work. Slow down for a sec.
2. MEDITATE. Do some inner work. Meditate. Do yoga. Go for a long walk in nature.
3. GET SUPPORT. Call your sister, brother, find friends. Talk. Talk to your therapist. Hang out with girlfriends. Make sure you find people who are there for you.
4. RECALIBRATE. After you’ve taken a moment to pause, sit up, and think about what happened, asking yourself, “Ok, what are the lessons here?” What do I want to learn from this? What do I need to change in myself in order to move forward?
5. BOUNDARIES. What are your boundaries? Have you let those boundaries slip in the past? Did you let yourself trust someone or a situation because you ignore your own boundaries? What ARE boundaries anyway? Are they rules? Or more like signals from inside yourself that something is not right? LISTEN TO YOUR GUT FEELINGS. Your intuition is ALWAYS right.
6. ENFORCE those boundaries. Now, moving forward, make a pact with yourself that you know what your boundaries are, promise yourself that you WILL listen to your gut feelings. You will stop, pause, excuse yourself from the table, if need be, remove yourself from the situation in order to listen to what that gut feeling is telling you, and promise yourself that you will protect yourself. Once you know you’ve got your own back, you will feel safe to trust again.
Trusting doesn’t mean blindly letting people do whatever they want with you. It means you’re giving a kind of “trust deposit” to someone but you will always remain true and loyal to yourself. And if you hear that inner voice raising their hand, you will LISTEN to it.
You are always safe, because you’ve got your own back. Because you listen and respect yourself.
I hope this resonates with you – and yet I hope it doesn’t. I don’t hope that you’ve been lied to or betrayed. Because it hurts deeply. If you are hurting right now, please know that you are not alone. I’m here, friend. And you are there for yourself, moving forward.